Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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