Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
