Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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