What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
