dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
