dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
