don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
