She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
