Don't you send me to vm
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
