lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just pee around me
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
