I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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