My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
