Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
