I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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