I want to stick my p in your. b.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just found a bag of teeth...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
