I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
