Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
