This is not my ceiling
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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