I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
