Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."

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(778): View more from British Columbia

Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?

(604): View more from British Columbia

And your cock privileges have been revoked.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...

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(509): View more from Washington

He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.

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(812): View more from Indiana

And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!

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(812): View more from Indiana

With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?

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