so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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