my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have aggressive nipples.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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