Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
