Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
