Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
