so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dear god my vagina.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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