i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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