I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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