I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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