I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Randomize
