I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
