His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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