I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
