1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
