pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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