Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
