It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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