coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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