also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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