"it" just moved
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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