Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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