Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Pants are for mortals
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize