i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The air was thick with penises
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
