try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
