Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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