Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
