can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
