I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
vagina is talking i cant
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
