I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Randomize
