so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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