You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
