Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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