this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
