This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Please don't give away my fajitas
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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