WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize