I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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