Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
