What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
