if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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