i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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