i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
