Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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