Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
