I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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