what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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