So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
