my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
