Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
