the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
